I Was Fired For Not Using AI
In a world where your toaster recommends stock options and your fridge gives life advice, I was a beacon of rebellion. I was the one thread that wouldn’t stay put, steadfast in my refusal to let AI dictate my professional existence. The tools of my trade? A pen that leaked more than it wrote, and a notebook whose most advanced feature was its ability to smudge ink in rainy weather.
My boss, a delightful mix of circuit boards and existential angst, had embraced AI with the enthusiasm of a kid in a candy store — provided the kid could calculate the nutritional value of each candy in real-time. During our meetings, which I’m pretty sure were just an opportunity for the office AI to practice its sarcasm module, my boss often lamented my “archaic methods.”
“You know, we have software that can do your job,”
my boss said, pointing to a screen that I’m pretty sure was just a modern work of art pretending to be a computer.
“Yes, but can it do that?”
I replied, promptly spilling coffee on my notes — a move no AI could replicate with such grace.
The day of reckoning came when my boss called me into an office so futuristic I almost thought it was launching into space.
“Your refusal to use AI has… problematic,”
my boss explained in a tone that suggested it was a rehearsed speech, possibly written by an AI programmed to chop up words.
“I bring a human touch,”
I defended myself with the conviction usually reserved for people who still believe the earth is flat.
“Human touch?”
my boss repeated as if the concept was as foreign as a manual transmission.
“We’re a technology company. The closest thing we need is for our robots not to accidentally trigger the apocalypse.”
The verdict was quickly reached.
“You’re fired,”
said my boss with the emotional range of a teaspoon.
And so I wandered through the neon-lit night, pondering my future. Would I become a hermit, dispensing sage advice in exchange for WiFi passwords? I couldstart a rebellion and rally all those oppressed by the tyranny of automatic updates.
But then, as dawn crept over the horizon, I woke up. My bed, stubbornly non-robotic, greeted me with the comfort of reality. It was all just a dream — a caffeine-induced nightmare fueled by too many science fiction marathons.
Relief flooded over me like an outdated operating system update. I hadn’t been fired; the world hadn’t yet succumbed to the cold embrace of our AI overlords. Armed with this second chance, I decided it was time to find a balance. I would learn to coexist with AI, to use it not as a crutch but as a tool — a very, very smart tool that probably condemned my coffee addiction.
And so I ventured into the day, ready to face the digital world, pen, and notebook in hand, because who knows? Maybe there’s an AI out there just waiting to learn the art of spilling coffee with grace.
As the saying goes: “AI won’t replace you, but a person who knows how to use it will.”
Murat
*Inspired by Rebecca Designs A Life Story “I Was Fired For Writing On Medium”
